My mum was a very strong woman. She was 23 years old when she got married to my dad and then she gave birth to my eldest brother one year after, in a midwifery nearby the place they lived. She told me that those times were difficult. She and dad didn’t have anything financially to start with when they got married. They started with nothing. They lived in a rented room somewhere in Denpasar. My dad worked as a lecturer already at that time, but still they had to work extra hard to take care of the family’s needs. At those times my mum stayed at home taking care of my brother and my dad was always busy working. Mum and dad often had fights those days, probably because they were a young couple who were financially unprepared and I guess my dad wasn’t ready to have a child either, so he often got angry and frustrated whenever their baby boy cried. However, my mum was always patient and always tried to stay strong and do her best for her little family.
Two years later my mum gave birth to another child, a baby girl, at the same place as where my eldest brother was born. This time probably mum and dad were more prepared and they were very happy. They still lived at the same place until a couple of years later when they were finally able to buy a land at Ubung area (where I live now). My dad fought very hard for that and of course he wouldn’t have been able to do it without the loyal support and encouragement from my mum. They started building a house on the land soon after it was bought. Slow but steady. It took a while until the house was able to be occupied. They started moving to that house around the year 1976 and stayed there permanently afterwards. My mum was pregnant again with her third baby girl at that time who was born in early February 1977. Both mum and dad were very happy again. However, some time during that year my dad received a scholarship from the university where he taught, to study for his masters degree in the Philippines. Somewhere deep in her heart my mum must have been so shocked with that news because she just gave birth a short while before that and it meant that she must take care of the baby plus two other kids all by herself if my dad leaves. But she tried to be happy as she should be and she supported my dad to go and chase his dreams.
So finally sometime in august/September 1977, my dad left for Philippines. My dad himself was such in a dilemma to leave, but my mum insisted. Then he left, without even being able to speak English, to study at another country far away from his wife and three children. My mum was not alone though, because my two uncles (dad’s brothers) and my grandmother came to live with her. Unfortunately this didn’t really make the situation better. Many incidents happened at that time while my father was away. Apparently my uncles gave her some trouble that I don’t really need to mention here. Apart from that, my eldest brother had several accidents, he fell from a tree, fell into a river and wounded himself so many times; my eldest sister almost drowned in a fish pond at home; and there was a nanny who gave birth in the bathroom. The worst part about this latter incident was that my mum didn’t even know that this nanny was pregnant. I can’t imagine how stress my mum was those days, having to face all those incidents, plus perhaps other problems that I’ve never heard of, and taking care of three small children all by herself without my father. She also just started her career at that time, as a junior high school teacher. She even had to travel with her three children to take the nanny and her newborn son to their house miles away from home. I think that must’ve been a disaster, but she was happy to do it and to be able to help someone.
My mum always wrote to my dad in Philippines, about everything happening at home. My dad seemed like he was having a hard time over there also. So everything he faced while studying, with an addition of the problems back home, really made him want to quit and fly home immediately. He almost gave up at a certain point and was already thinking to make up weird reasons to fly back to Bali and terminate his studies. But again my mum encouraged him to continue, to keep going, and not give up. My grandpa (my mum’s dad) also fully supported him and asked him to do his best in the Philippines and not to worry about the problems at home because he will help my mum take care of them. So my dad kept going, kept trying, for himself and for the sake of his loved ones.
Two years later, in 1979, finally my dad got his degree with high achievements. He was so surprised himself that he succeeded to go through everything. Of course, my mum’s support played a very important role there. Then my dad flew back home to Bali. My second sister didn’t even recognize him when he came back because he left her when she was just 6 months old. But perhaps life started to feel normal again afterwards. My siblings already started school, and probably my mum was able to breathe freely after my dad’s arrival. Although many problems kept coming their way, but my mum knew that it won’t be so bad when they’re together.
Two years later, again they were expecting another child. In April 1982, my mum gave birth to a baby boy. Joy and happiness came all over again. My dad was still the perfectionist person who was very dedicated to his job, so I guess he didn’t actually get to spend very much time with his children. So basically my mum had to take care of almost everything at home besides her job as a teacher. She must’ve been such a strong woman to be able to do all that. She was a wonder woman perhaps. However my dad was also a great person. His greatness was probably most obvious in his career. His hard work at the university once again brought him to a scholarship award. This time it was a scholarship to obtain a doctorate degree in the University of New South Wales in Australia, and surely again he accepted it and my mum supported as usual.
Some time in 1984 he had to leave for Sydney, Australia. This time he thought about taking his family along, but this wasn’t possible until he could get permission from his supervisors. Therefore he left alone. Fortunately somehow he was able to persuade his supervisors to allow his family to come and live with him in Sydney for the rest of his study years. Early 1985 then, my mum and her four children flew to Sydney with very limited belongings and poor English. But the things that my mum definitely had were spirit, motivation, strength and courage, which gave her the ability to guide her children through the process too.
Life for them continued far away from home, in a very different place from where they lived previously. My mum was surely glad to be able to accompany my dad in facing his hard times and my mum herself perhaps didn’t need to face too much stress like what she felt back home. She had to take a long leave from her job as a teacher in Bali, but that was alright because she was already a government worker at that time which made it easier for her to get some kind of dispensation. They were happy to be together far away from home I guess, so again my mum got pregnant. Finally, in December 1985, I was delivered to this world by my beautiful strong mother through a normal labour process at the Paddington Royal Hospital in Sydney, Australia. My dad stayed right next to mum when she gave birth to me. He had to do it because that’s how it works overseas, unlike in Indonesia at those times. So apparently that was his first time seeing a labour process directly with naked eyes which made him quite shocked and decided to stop having children. (Hahaha...!). I am lucky to be born at that place at the appropriate time, because it automatically gave me the right to become an Australian citizen, something that of course can give me many benefits compared to being an Indonesian citizen. It was also very smart of my dad to make an Australian birth certificate and passport for me, which are both proof of my citizenship. A year after my birth, the rule changed and people could no longer have the automatic status as a citizen if they were born there. So I was very very lucky. Thanks mum and dad for this, both of you did a great job.
My siblings got the chance to study in Sydney at that time. My mum stayed at our small apartment most of the time and looked after me and she also did babysitting in the apartment. From the stories I’ve heard, apparently she babysat around 5-6 children every weekdays at our apartment. It was good because then I had company, and I think my mum enjoyed it too because she loved children. Time passed by so fast. Three and a half years after my birth my dad achieved his doctorate degree and we all flew back to Bali. Mum said I got so depressed. I believed that Bali was not my home. I cried every day and night for a few weeks. I must’ve made my parents frustrated, and my mum must have been so tired. But luckily I adapted quite fast.
We all grew up too quick. I remember there were times when mum had to take me to work or ask a neighbour to look after me because everyone was busy. Suddenly it was already time for me to start school where real life began. I was five and a half years at that time and my parents enrolled me in first grade of elementary school, so I didn’t experience pre-school, kindergarten and such. I remember that my first years at school were quite stressful for me. I was a very quiet child and often got bullied by some other kids. However those things didn’t stop me from going to school, mainly because mum and dad always cheered me up and supported me. During my first couple of years mum often took me to school and sometimes she waited for me the whole day at school until the classes finished. Dad sometimes picked me up from school, but he was a very busy man. Dad had to go out of the country again several times for work visits, but never too long anymore.
Basically my siblings and I spent more time just with mum. When I was a child I remember how happy I used to be when my mum didn’t need to go to work and just stayed at home with me, only the two of us. We used to watch TV together, she told me funny stories, she cooked delicious food and made nice snacks for me, she sang songs for me with her beautiful voice and she was always there, accompanying me the whole day. She also really liked sewing, so she sewed a lot of clothes for me. My mum and everything she did for me felt like the most wonderful gift I’ve ever received from God.
My dad, my siblings and I have been so grateful to have her and surely she was happy to have us too. She gave us so much love and we did too. As my siblings and I grew older, we probably showed our love to her a lot less though, especially at certain ages when people become so rebellious and always think that their parents are wrong. However I always felt so attached to her, probably because I’m the youngest in the family and she spoiled me so much. Unfortunately I am the one who enjoyed the least time with her. I started to travel when I was 16 years old. I went back to Australia to study for 4 years which meant I’ve lost 4 years of her presence. But I have no regrets. I was away from her partly for her sake. She always wanted me to go back to Australia and claim my rights as an Australian citizen. At least I was able to do something that made her proud of me.
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